Talk the Same Language
Posted: April, 2009
People listen to, follow, agree with, trust, and buy from people who are like them. (Do you need some validation for that statement? An entire political campaign for Sarah Palin was crafted for an appeal to the “common person” because she’s “just like us—a hockey mom.”) Why wouldn’t we listen to, follow, agree with, and trust people who are like us? We know that we’re okay…so that person must be okay too!
How do others know that you are like them? One way is that you talk their language.
“He gets me. You can tell that she’s one of us. I know that we’re on the same page. We can relate to each other.”
What makes people say things like that? Even when you are both speaking English, there are word, pronunciation, and “focus” differences that can set you apart from someone you don’t want to be apart from. For example, if a person says “pocketbook” instead of “purse,” you will be well-served to say “pocketbook.” When people refer to their offspring as “children,” hearing “kids” from you may be discordant or even considered disrespectful to their children. It says that you’re not like them.
Pronunciation also plays a part in talking the same language. When I moved to Houston, I said the street name San Felipe with a Spanish accent—the way it’s said in California. But the Houstonians said something that was closer to “San Flippy.” It took awhile for me to wrap my mouth around San Flippy, but I needed the Texans to know that this “foreigner” listened to them. If you are an American doing business in Canada, you will hear “prō-ject” (with a long o) instead of prŏ-ject with the “ah” sound. If you always say project the “American” way, you have just stepped back over the border.
I don’t recommend trying to adopt a regional accent, however. That’s very difficult to get right and to sustain. When I’ve heard non-southerners attempt that unique lilt and rhythm, it too often sounds like the “pretender” is mocking the accent. Not a good thing to do! Besides, there are nuances in the southern nuance. People from South Carolina, Georgia, and Alabama don’t even have the same southern accent. If you weren’t born there, you may not want to try that.
The way you focus your words is also key to letting people know that you understand them. When I work with Las Vegas companies (particularly the casinos), I will often say things like, “We need to play the hand we’re dealt,” or, “The outcome of this project is a long shot if we don’t get the right resources assigned.” That’s the language of Vegas. Giving the same counsel to a Catholic-owned hospital, I would say, “We need to accept what we cannot change,” or, “We’ll need lots of prayers to get us through this project without the right resources.”
Leading people means letting them know that you’ve listened and that you can be trusted to guide them appropriately. When you talk their talk, you can make that subtle but significant connection.
It Never Hurts to Ask—Not True
Posted: February, 2009
Yes, sometimes it does hurt to ask. If we are asking for something that is not fair, excessively ego-centric, or just wrong to do or have, then it does hurt to ask. Because the question reveals what the "asker" cares about, it may highlight a behavior trait or value system that should not be broadcast—if the asker values his standing and/or reputation with the person who’s being asked. If you really can’t change what you care about—at the least, don’t advertise it!
Examples of what I have personally been asked, or have heard asked, that did not help further the asker’s career are as follows:
"
I know we have a proposal to finish today, but I’d like to take off for a haircut appointment. I have a big date tonight!”
- "I realize there’s a cap on wage increases at 5 percent, but my expenses have really gone up since I bought that cabin in Wisconsin. Can you make an exception?"
- "I think our project leader is gay, and I don’t like working with gay people. Can you move me to a different project?"
- "I know that we require ties at client sites, but I look better with a more casual look. Don’t you think we should dress to suit how we look best?"
- "Hey, would you mind saying that I created that analysis you wrote up? I’m going to ask for a promotion and that could really make me look good. Will that work for you?"
- "I don’t get around to reading my e-mails every day. Can you give me a call and let me know when you’ve sent something I need to read?”
At least the answers were quick (and all the same)—"No." The bad impression that the questions made lasted a lot longer, however. It’s interesting how often the person asking will close the conversation with, "Well, okay. I just figured it didn’t hurt to ask." Often, they figured wrong.
Appealing to a “Higher Authority”
Posted: January, 2009
It is true that nothing happens until someone sells something. We have to sell others on our ideas, our plans, and our passions to get things started. In our zeal to sell others and get them to endorse, do, or stop doing whatever it is we want, it’s tempting to overplay our hand by appealing to a “higher power.” One of the most effective and long-lasting ad campaigns is the Hebrew National hot dog slogan of, “We answer to a higher authority,” that they rolled out in 1965. “It sure worked for them! Why won’t it work for me for what I’m trying to pitch?” Your higher-authority pitch might work—if it’s true. But if it smacks of “I’m bringing in the big guns to get you to listen to me,” or sounds exactly like a product pitch, it can really backfire.
Two examples of product pitches with their appeals to a higher authority that did not work for me are as follows:
- A telemarketer tells me that Wells Fargo Bank has “asked us to call you because they are concerned about your account and recommend that you add credit protection to your credit card.”
No, they didn’t. No executive at Wells Fargo said, “I’m worried that someone is trying to get Jeanne’s account information. Please give her a call.”
- The woman giving me a facial tells me that she is going to “write a prescription for…” and lists about $200 in product.
No, you don’t write “prescriptions.” Making it sound like a medical emergency is not going to get me to shell out $200.
A few examples of higher-authority claims to make me comply with what someone else wanted that also did not work for me are as follows:
- The response by a United flight attendant when I asked for the whole can of Coke instead of the paltry few drops in the plastic cup was, “No, I can’t give you a can of Coke. It’s against the law.”
No, I’m pretty sure there’s no “law” against a whole can of Coke. Just who would have introduced the “Coke-can-on-airplanes” legislation?
- A dental office trying to get me to book now instead of waiting until next year said, “The insurance company may raise our rates next year because they tell us what to charge.”
No, the insurance company doesn’t tell you what to charge. They determine the maximum that they’ll pay you. You don’t have to charge the maximum that they will pay.
- A medical testing facility who explained that, “It’s the law that you have to pay your co-pay at the time of service.”
No, it’s not the law. It may be your internal rule, but there’s no legislation that dictates when I pay my co-pay.
These kinds of over-the-top appeals to a “higher authority” make me dig in against anything the person making the appeal wanted me to do. While there’s often some sliver of truth in these responses, the reality was skewed to “beef up” the request or to allow the requester to hide behind someone or something else. Higher-authority appeals in business that don’t ring true often have the same effect—skepticism and irritation that quickly turns to, “No,” even if the idea or request was a good one.
In business, there are some less-than-effective statements that are “almost truthful” in their attempt to leverage higher authorities. Statements that I have personally heard or read in company communications include the following:
- “My boss wants me to attend the seminar in Mexico City. Would you please send in the (non-refundable) registration fee?”
Yes, he did want you to attend— if the Q3 numbers were met, and those numbers aren’t out yet.
- “The Wall Street analysts required us to eliminate the middle management positions in this department.”
Yes, they probably advised that if (possibly) redundant positions were eliminated across the company, profit would increase. It’s unlikely that they carefully studied your entire company structure and specifically called out eliminating your position.
- “We are required by law to raise health care premiums every year.”
What? What law would that be?
- “The Gartner Group said we should change our customer billing from the end of the month to the 20th of each month.”
I believe that the Gartner Group is the most incorrectly quoted organization in the business world! It appears to be the go-to “higher authority” to justify any change that someone wants to make. Did they say this? It’s unlikely that the Gartner Group said that your company needs to change its billing cycle.
A real leader doesn’t have to hide behind the cloak of the “higher power.” Anyone who may have the tendency to offer higher-authority claims—you really need to stop doing that. Anyone who hears them—be afraid; be very afraid. Somebody is trying to trick you.
